Friday, February 23, 2018

After Forever

I came by this blog to do something else and much to my surprise, it's still getting traffic. Color me shocked. Welp, if you're checking in on my progress, I may as well give an update.

I never did get pregnant. Never. Not once. And that's okay.

It's been a long time since I bothered with this stuff, as should be obvious when one glances at the dates on my previous posts. I've learned a lot in the past several years. Firstly, that the uterus is good for precisely fuck-all but pure evil if you're not trying to get–or stay–pregnant. Second, that the feeling you might have right now, that unnameable feeling of combined loss and struggle and grief and pain and shattered hopes, that one... it won't last forever. Not all of it, anyway.

I sometimes still get a pang. When I realize my branch on the family tree is a dead end. When I can't get accepted into a group because it's for moms. When I think about my little sprig and how old s/he would be. But folks, there is hope. Those pangs are few and far between. I can look at babies now and smile at the cuteness. I barely notice pregnant women and certainly don't want to run crying from the room when I do. I managed to reevaluate the future I'd planned for myself and it's shaping up to be fairly decent, despite the fact that my uterus tried to kill me in the end there. But that's a story for another day. She got hers though... don't you worry your head about that.

I do think I'll come back to this blog. For my fellow women who've decided it's best to move on from ATTC, or TTC at all. Maybe you're having a hard time with it. And maybe I can help.

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