Trigger Happy!

Well folks... I've done it!  I've taken the plunge and there's no getting scared shitless and turning back now!

My second follie scan (last Saturday) was a bit of a bummer.  The nurse that did the scan (the doc takes the weekend off!) was hell-bent on bursting the hot air balloon of hope that I'd created for myself.  We only had 12 to 13 follies and she wanted to make sure I was very aware that of those follies, not all of them will yield eggs... and of those eggs, not all of them will fertilize... blah blah blah.  I felt like kicking her in the teeth.  Yes, thanks, I'm well fucking aware of my chances for failure here.  I know we may not have any to freeze and I may get a BFN or worse... a BFP with a miscarriage.  It's eyes wide open in my camp so fuck off and quit trying to bum me out!

Phew... sorry about that.  Hormones are kicking today. 

Anyway, my last scan (yesterday) was much better.  The doc was back and he said we had 8 follies at over 18 mm.  Somehow, even if the number was smaller, the fact that they were the right size was very comforting.  The number of follies isn't as telling as their size.  I could get fifty and if they're all immature, they won't help a bit.  I'm not saying I'm not still scared as hell.  There has been so much bad news around the forums the last few weeks, that I can't imagine how it would work for me.  But I'm trying to remember some very wise advice, which was to go into this without expectations.  The numbers don't really mean much.  You could get 20 eggs and one of them reaches the blastocyst stage.  You could get 7 eggs and all of them be perfectly viable, strong and healthy.  Even if you have some to freeze... they may not thaw.  Too many variables to worry about them all.  That's all any of us would do.

So... my advice to anyone going through this would be... try to take everything in stride.  Only get emotional about the facts... not the possibilities.  I know that's easier said than done but it's how to stay sane in this journey.

Anyway... the doc was pleased with my progress and said we were ready!  He checked my estrogen again to make sure and it was over 3000 (there was that stupid nurse again who wouldn't give me the exact count).  Your levels should be around 200-600 per mature follies so I was right on track.  No meds last night... just the trigger!  Ovidrel is a pre-filled, refrigerated syringe that is synthetic HCG.  It "triggers" your body speed up lining optimization and egg maturation.  It also signals your body to release any and all mature eggs in almost exactly 36 hours.  Now... I've wondered how, if all women are different, this works in exactly 36 hours to the point where you have to take it at a very precise time but whatever.  I may ask later.  Mostly, I don't care as I'm not going to argue it with them but I did wonder.  If anyone knows... comment away please.

So the big news... my egg retrieval is tomorrow at 8:15 AM.  Big fucking happenings here ladies (and possibly gentlemen)!  The only bad news I received isn't definite but apparently, my right ovary is the big producer (go fucking figure) and it's still hiding behind my uterus.  This means that in order for the doc to get to it, he'll need to move my shit around in there.  This may or may not work well enough for him to avoid sending the big, scary needle through my uterine muscle and causing more pain and a harder recovery than usual.  And to this... I say to my ovaries... challenge accepted!